Eight Months

Maria and Suzanna have been home now for eight months and what an eight months it has been! Maria has gained 8 pounds and grown a little more than 2 inches; Suzanna has gained 12 pounds and grown over 3 inches—not to mention 2 shoe sizes!!! We have had no more major health issues since Christmas. Suzanna has had two permanent molars pulled that were completely rotten and two others filled. We had to take her to an oral surgeon to have the teeth pulled so they could put her asleep and we found a children’s dentist that gives his patients who suffer from anxiety a little “cocktail” while he works on them. We took Maria to our family dentist and she has no cavities and the dentist said she has beautiful and healthy teeth. When we took the girls for a check-up at the Texas Children’s Hospital International Adoption Clinic at the end of July Suzanna did great with the blood tests! We have been training her to use the breathing method that the E.R. nurse taught her when she had malaria when she is scared or anxious about things. Their hair and skin look nice and healthy; they are truly blooming now!

Both Maria and Suzanna are still having trouble learning new things such as how to live in a family and unlearning so many bad habits that allowed them to survive. I can’t even imagine how difficult it must be for them, yet we do see progress. We have come to the realization though that this will be a lifetime process just like sanctification is for all of us who are adopted into the family of God.

Maria struggles with letting go of the control she had at the orphanage as “Grandma,” and she is foolish (stubborn in worldly terms). She is slowly learning to be a child though and it is so much fun to watch her being one. She has a delightful laugh and loves to sing, dance, and model for the camera! We don’t have a clue where she learned modeling and posing, but she is a natural at it! I haven’t been real serious about school with the girls since they’ve been home, but Maria is slowly learning to read. I look forward to doing more school with them starting the third week of August. One of Maria’s favorite things to do is to watch “How It’s Made” snuggled up with her daddy.

We lovingly call Suzanna our mess. Poor little thing really struggles with so much. A good friend who is a counselor helped put words to it for us; she just does not have any coping skills at all. The littlest of things, and sometimes nothing at all, just set her off and she is an emotional wreck. She has to have adult supervision at all times. She struggles with all learning. We do see her wanting to try to do well and she is so loving, especially to her daddy. The doctor at the international adoption clinic said it is too soon to do any testing because she still has so much to adjust to and so much catching up to do. Suzanna is definitely God’s answer to my prayers for patience! Now I pray for it even more!

One of the best things I’ve had the girls do since they’ve been home is to daily draw a memory of their life in Liberia. Maria draws memories of both life in her home until she was five and life at the orphanage. All of Suzanna’s memories are of the orphanage. After they are finished drawing they tell me or one of their brothers what the memory is and we write it on the back of the drawing and date it. We have learned so much about them and their life from these, most of it heartbreaking, of course. It has helped tremendously in understanding them and their behaviors.

One day Maria drew a picture of a cooler with some drinks in it. She explained that a white man had come to the orphanage with cold drinks for the children. They all had to fight for one because there were not enough for everyone; she did not get one. I told her that she would never have to fight for a drink or something to eat ever again and told her how sorry I was that she ever had to experience something like that. Another day she drew a picture of her and some of her friends crying outside their dorm because the orphanage had no food. I asked her if this happened just once and she shook her head and said, “Oh no, Mom, it happened plenty times, plenty.”

Suzanna has told me on a couple of different occasions that when there was no food or when she was really hungry she would go to her Grandma who worked at the orphanage and her Grandma would be able to give her a little something to eat. We are so grateful to God that Suzanna’s Grandma was there to take care of her.

One of the most difficult things to adjust to for all of us is their belief that everyone is going to hurt them, lie to them, or cheat them. One day not long ago, Suzanna was having a fit and when I got her calmed down she told me that Aubrey was trying to take her braids out. Aubrey quickly explained that she was trying to fix one of Suzanna’s braids that had come out. I took Suzanna to my room and asked her what Aubrey had done besides be loving and caring since she had been home. Suzanna could think of nothing. It then occurred to me to ask if Suzanna if any of the kids at the orphanage ever tried to take out her braids. She said yes! I then explained to her that in a family we just don’t do mean things to each other. We love one another and do our best to be kind to each other. I told her none of us were perfect but that she could trust us to take care of her and protect her.
Both girls are constantly accusing mainly each other of copying, cheating, getting into their business, and “lying on my name.” All of this is so foreign to us. We continue to show them unconditional love, teach them how to behave in a way that glorifies God, and discipline their inappropriate behavior. I continue to tell both girls over and over, “I am your mother for better or worse forever. There is absolutely nothing you can say or do that will change that or my love for you.” It is emotionally and physically exhausting work! God continues to give me the grace I need each day and His mercies are new every morning!

We still have some problems with communication. Their speech is sometimes still hard for us to understand and we will have to ask them to repeat it for us slowly. They often get frustrated and say, “Never mind!” The biggest hurdle though is not only their lack of vocabulary but also their lack of life experiences. They have very few words and they mean so many different things. For example they use the word spoiled to mean broken, messed up, and rotten. They use the word plenty to mean lots, much, many, etc. David and I laughed the other day because we are using the word, plenty, more than we ever have. As far as experiences, they just don’t have what a typical child their age usually has and what they do have is so negative. This makes reading books, watching movies, or just explaining things to them quite difficult at times.

Both girls have learned to ride their bicycles and are still learning bike safety. As a family we run and walk for exercise most days and they are doing better with that. In the beginning they just didn’t have the energy for it, but a lot of it is they are just not used to doing much of anything but lying around. Suzanna has a body made for running so we are trying to encourage her with that. Both girls have had a few opportunities to go swimming; Maria loves the water and Suzanna is slowly but surely getting over her fear of it. They enjoy simple card games and jigsaw puzzles. They love to pretend!!! They spend most of their time pretending they are mommies. They do everything I do! I even bought all three girls coupon holders and cheap calculators to play with. They have their own shopping lists and coupons every time I go shopping.

We get lots of comments about our family when we are out in public because we are larger than the norm and we do look a little different. Most people are really nice and very supportive. Just last week I had a woman ask me if I was running a daycare!!! When I told her they were all mine she just said, “Bless you!” Our favorite experience happened on my birthday. David and the kids took me out to eat at Olive Garden. We had just finished saying the blessing and were serving the salads when a couple came to our table. The woman bent down next to David and commented on how long it had been since they had seen children so well behaved and having such a good time and they wanted to help buy our dinner. She handed David some cash. We thanked her but said we couldn’t keep the money. She then said it had even been longer since they had seen a family thank God for their meal in public and insisted we take the money. We did and thanked God again for that awesome blessing; the couple gave us $40.00!

We love our life!!! It is demanding, exhausting, heart wrenching, and oh so blessed! We thank God daily for our new daughters and for the opportunity to show them His love. We pray, and ask for your prayers as well, for both girls to come to know Him as their Lord and Savior, for God to heal their brokenness, and for us to continue to bond as a family.