What A Difference A Year Makes

One year ago today, David and I along with our two new daughters, Maria and Suzanna, were leaving Liberia to begin a 24- hour trip home and a whole new life. The past year has been the most challenging and difficult for our family, but also the most blessed. I thank God daily for the challenges and trials not because I’ve enjoyed them but because I have come to know my Heavenly Father in ways I couldn’t even have imagined and have grown more and more dependant on Him than ever before. I have come to know my own unworthy sinful self better and therefore more and more humbled and grateful to God and His amazing grace. The theme song for our adoption has not changed since we answered His call almost four years ago, “How Great is Our God."

Our family celebrated “Gotcha Day” yesterday as it was one year ago on December 6th that David and I took Maria and Suzanna from the orphanage for the last time and they were officially our daughters. Maria, Aubrey, Suzanna, and I spent the morning in the kitchen preparing dinner and dessert for our celebration. Our entire family spent the afternoon going through the almost 500 photos we’ve taken since we picked them up from the orphanage until Saturday, November 29 when we cut down our Christmas tree. We had so much fun looking at all the great times God has blessed us with this past year, especially our vacation to Dauphin Island, Alabama in October. The best thing was to see the transformation in Maria and Suzanna; they have grown and blossomed so much. Besides growing in inches and pounds, their hair and skin look absolutely beautiful; they look healthy and happy. We ended the day with a big dinner celebration with our wonderful friends, the Robisons. It was the Robisons that took care of Riley, Luke, and Aubrey the entire week David and I were in Liberia. The girls chose to have homemade tostados, chocolate cake with chocolate icing, and cinnamon ice cream. We lit sparklers in the cake and sang “Happy Gotcha Day!” We ended the evening with fireworks and a skit put on by all the boys.

The physical changes in the girls have been the easiest part of the past year. Lots of good healthy food, vitamins, good hygiene, proper rest, hard work and play do the body good. If only the emotional, mental, and spiritual growth were so easy! Even with the huge amount of reading and researching to prepare us for the challenges the girls might bring with them, I still naively thought that our family’s love could and would heal all. Boy was I wrong!!! It will not be our love that brings healing; it will be God’s. I’m not saying our love isn’t necessary or isn’t helping, but it is God’s perfect, unconditional, and never-ending love that will bring salvation to Maria and Suzanna. Until both girls see a need for a Savior, all the education, bonding, training, etc. are just temporary fixes at best. We have begun praying Ezekiel 36:26-27 for both Maria and Suzanna and would love for each of you to pray the same.

We know we are dealing with an attachment disorder with one of the girls and are diligently seeking help for that. Both girls still struggle with learning how to let go of their survival of the fittest mentality and behavior, and learning how to be part of a family by thinking of and honoring others above themselves. School is a huge challenge. All learning for both girls has consisted only of memorization. They neither one know or understand what they have memorized or how to use it. They want to continue this method of learning and it just doesn’t work when trying to teach and train the girls to think and problem solve instead. Learning disabilities is a definite factor and so we need help for this as well.

The girls have definitely made some baby steps in these areas and that’s what we’ve learned to expect. It is like raising an infant but with the added challenges of not knowing what the girls experienced prenatally, having eight and nine years of no and/or negative training and education, and tremendous amounts of unhealthy baggage. I do believe they want to learn; they just don’t know how yet.

Maria and Suzanna aren’t the only ones taking baby steps, so am I in my sanctification process. I struggle with handling these new challenges the way God wants me to. I tend to of course handle them in the flesh and blow it completely. A couple of times I’ve even told God that even though I know He doesn’t make mistakes He might have made His first in letting me be the mother of Maria and Suzanna. With His amazing love He gently reminds me that His grace is sufficient for me and that power is perfected in my weakness.

At our Thanksgiving table this year I expressed my thankfulness for God’s faithfulness in my life. Each morning, even the mornings that I didn’t want to face, I prayed for wisdom, strength, endurance, patience, and grace to handle whatever the day brought. Each and every day God provided just exactly what I needed. He provided my daily bread. Once when I shared this someone replied back, “Nothing less and nothing more.” I have to disagree on one point; He has often provided more than I asked for. He has truly blessed my life in so many ways this past year. He has blessed me with the best husband and children in the entire world. He has also blessed me with some of the most amazing and Godly women as friends. All through the year God has used both my family and friends to come alongside and support, encourage, pray, and share themselves with me. They have brought me true joy.

I anticipate great physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual growth of our entire family this next year. I look forward to creating many more special memories to capture in pictures and our hearts. I will continue to thank God for the blessings as well as the trials He brings to my life.

What Would the Social Workers Say Now?

Picture this… Yesterday we were driving to Huffman to see David’s mom. Driving down the road the three girls are in the backseat singing along with a country song on the radio. We were hearing Maria and Suzanna with their thick Liberian accents along with Aubrey singing about a stupid old red pick-up truck. They know every single word and sing it with lots of emotion.

We stop in Humble at Cavender’s (a country and western clothing store) so Luke can buy some new cowboy boots and a western shirt. The lady waiting on us asks us if all five children are ours, of course. Our three daughters each choose to buy tiny furry toy purses stuffed with a pony with their allowance money. I cry and hug on Luke as he tries on a pair of Wrangler jeans with his boots because he looks so darn cute and reminds me so much of David. He then selects all his western attire along with a bandana designed like the confederate flag to purchase with his birthday money. All the while, Riley stands around observing everything looking very cool in his plaid shorts and leather necklace.

As we all climb back into the van, David and I look at each other and start laughing at the diversity of our family and the picture we must present to the public. We couldn’t help but think back to all those questions and lectures about cultural sensitivity during our adoption process. We clearly remember how David answered each time. “We will raise our adopted children just like our biological children. They will be Christians foremost, they will like the Dallas Cowboys, learn to two-step, listen to Christian and Country & Western music, and most likely be rednecks! All our children will study about all people, places, and cultures of the world as we home school.” As we pull out of the parking lot to continue our journey David asks the kids what they want to eat for lunch when we take Grandma out to eat, Maria yells out, “Liberian chicken!” You’ve got to laugh!

Eight Months

Maria and Suzanna have been home now for eight months and what an eight months it has been! Maria has gained 8 pounds and grown a little more than 2 inches; Suzanna has gained 12 pounds and grown over 3 inches—not to mention 2 shoe sizes!!! We have had no more major health issues since Christmas. Suzanna has had two permanent molars pulled that were completely rotten and two others filled. We had to take her to an oral surgeon to have the teeth pulled so they could put her asleep and we found a children’s dentist that gives his patients who suffer from anxiety a little “cocktail” while he works on them. We took Maria to our family dentist and she has no cavities and the dentist said she has beautiful and healthy teeth. When we took the girls for a check-up at the Texas Children’s Hospital International Adoption Clinic at the end of July Suzanna did great with the blood tests! We have been training her to use the breathing method that the E.R. nurse taught her when she had malaria when she is scared or anxious about things. Their hair and skin look nice and healthy; they are truly blooming now!

Both Maria and Suzanna are still having trouble learning new things such as how to live in a family and unlearning so many bad habits that allowed them to survive. I can’t even imagine how difficult it must be for them, yet we do see progress. We have come to the realization though that this will be a lifetime process just like sanctification is for all of us who are adopted into the family of God.

Maria struggles with letting go of the control she had at the orphanage as “Grandma,” and she is foolish (stubborn in worldly terms). She is slowly learning to be a child though and it is so much fun to watch her being one. She has a delightful laugh and loves to sing, dance, and model for the camera! We don’t have a clue where she learned modeling and posing, but she is a natural at it! I haven’t been real serious about school with the girls since they’ve been home, but Maria is slowly learning to read. I look forward to doing more school with them starting the third week of August. One of Maria’s favorite things to do is to watch “How It’s Made” snuggled up with her daddy.

We lovingly call Suzanna our mess. Poor little thing really struggles with so much. A good friend who is a counselor helped put words to it for us; she just does not have any coping skills at all. The littlest of things, and sometimes nothing at all, just set her off and she is an emotional wreck. She has to have adult supervision at all times. She struggles with all learning. We do see her wanting to try to do well and she is so loving, especially to her daddy. The doctor at the international adoption clinic said it is too soon to do any testing because she still has so much to adjust to and so much catching up to do. Suzanna is definitely God’s answer to my prayers for patience! Now I pray for it even more!

One of the best things I’ve had the girls do since they’ve been home is to daily draw a memory of their life in Liberia. Maria draws memories of both life in her home until she was five and life at the orphanage. All of Suzanna’s memories are of the orphanage. After they are finished drawing they tell me or one of their brothers what the memory is and we write it on the back of the drawing and date it. We have learned so much about them and their life from these, most of it heartbreaking, of course. It has helped tremendously in understanding them and their behaviors.

One day Maria drew a picture of a cooler with some drinks in it. She explained that a white man had come to the orphanage with cold drinks for the children. They all had to fight for one because there were not enough for everyone; she did not get one. I told her that she would never have to fight for a drink or something to eat ever again and told her how sorry I was that she ever had to experience something like that. Another day she drew a picture of her and some of her friends crying outside their dorm because the orphanage had no food. I asked her if this happened just once and she shook her head and said, “Oh no, Mom, it happened plenty times, plenty.”

Suzanna has told me on a couple of different occasions that when there was no food or when she was really hungry she would go to her Grandma who worked at the orphanage and her Grandma would be able to give her a little something to eat. We are so grateful to God that Suzanna’s Grandma was there to take care of her.

One of the most difficult things to adjust to for all of us is their belief that everyone is going to hurt them, lie to them, or cheat them. One day not long ago, Suzanna was having a fit and when I got her calmed down she told me that Aubrey was trying to take her braids out. Aubrey quickly explained that she was trying to fix one of Suzanna’s braids that had come out. I took Suzanna to my room and asked her what Aubrey had done besides be loving and caring since she had been home. Suzanna could think of nothing. It then occurred to me to ask if Suzanna if any of the kids at the orphanage ever tried to take out her braids. She said yes! I then explained to her that in a family we just don’t do mean things to each other. We love one another and do our best to be kind to each other. I told her none of us were perfect but that she could trust us to take care of her and protect her.
Both girls are constantly accusing mainly each other of copying, cheating, getting into their business, and “lying on my name.” All of this is so foreign to us. We continue to show them unconditional love, teach them how to behave in a way that glorifies God, and discipline their inappropriate behavior. I continue to tell both girls over and over, “I am your mother for better or worse forever. There is absolutely nothing you can say or do that will change that or my love for you.” It is emotionally and physically exhausting work! God continues to give me the grace I need each day and His mercies are new every morning!

We still have some problems with communication. Their speech is sometimes still hard for us to understand and we will have to ask them to repeat it for us slowly. They often get frustrated and say, “Never mind!” The biggest hurdle though is not only their lack of vocabulary but also their lack of life experiences. They have very few words and they mean so many different things. For example they use the word spoiled to mean broken, messed up, and rotten. They use the word plenty to mean lots, much, many, etc. David and I laughed the other day because we are using the word, plenty, more than we ever have. As far as experiences, they just don’t have what a typical child their age usually has and what they do have is so negative. This makes reading books, watching movies, or just explaining things to them quite difficult at times.

Both girls have learned to ride their bicycles and are still learning bike safety. As a family we run and walk for exercise most days and they are doing better with that. In the beginning they just didn’t have the energy for it, but a lot of it is they are just not used to doing much of anything but lying around. Suzanna has a body made for running so we are trying to encourage her with that. Both girls have had a few opportunities to go swimming; Maria loves the water and Suzanna is slowly but surely getting over her fear of it. They enjoy simple card games and jigsaw puzzles. They love to pretend!!! They spend most of their time pretending they are mommies. They do everything I do! I even bought all three girls coupon holders and cheap calculators to play with. They have their own shopping lists and coupons every time I go shopping.

We get lots of comments about our family when we are out in public because we are larger than the norm and we do look a little different. Most people are really nice and very supportive. Just last week I had a woman ask me if I was running a daycare!!! When I told her they were all mine she just said, “Bless you!” Our favorite experience happened on my birthday. David and the kids took me out to eat at Olive Garden. We had just finished saying the blessing and were serving the salads when a couple came to our table. The woman bent down next to David and commented on how long it had been since they had seen children so well behaved and having such a good time and they wanted to help buy our dinner. She handed David some cash. We thanked her but said we couldn’t keep the money. She then said it had even been longer since they had seen a family thank God for their meal in public and insisted we take the money. We did and thanked God again for that awesome blessing; the couple gave us $40.00!

We love our life!!! It is demanding, exhausting, heart wrenching, and oh so blessed! We thank God daily for our new daughters and for the opportunity to show them His love. We pray, and ask for your prayers as well, for both girls to come to know Him as their Lord and Savior, for God to heal their brokenness, and for us to continue to bond as a family.

Impatience is My Middle Name

I will never forget my first day as a freshman in high school, in particular in concert band. The band director asked each of us to stand up with our instruments and introduce ourselves. When it was my turn I stumbled as I rose and before I could even say a word he said, “Well I’m guessing your middle name isn’t Grace!” Needless to say Mr. Bailey was not a favorite teacher of mine and my freshman year was my last in band.

My parents did not give me a middle name—they said it took too long to agree on a first name so they just didn’t have the energy to go for a middle one. After that infamous first day of high school I decided I really should have a middle name. I thought it should be something French to go with Suzanne, like Michelle. I took it one step further and decided I needed to marry someone French so my entire name could be French. In my daydreams I was Suzanne Michelle Roget—yes after the thesaurus!!! Ooooooh-la-la!!!

This last week has been a difficult one and I’ve been thinking that if a middle name could be a temperament, a characteristic, or even a flaw like my band teacher thought it could be, then my middle name might as well be after the sin I struggle with the most—impatience. I have struggled with this sin for several years now and just can’t seem to get rid of it no matter how hard I try. I have even done the forbidden and prayed for God to give me patience! I continue to pray for this every single day of my life and of course I want it right now!

When God asked David and I to adopt, my first and only objection was that I didn’t want to bring any more children into our home for me to ruin with this sin like I have done with Riley, Luke, and Aubrey. Oh, I know I haven’t completely “ruined” them; they are terrific kids. Sadly though, they have been victims of my sin and as they get older I can hear that awful same sin coming out of their mouths and it grieves me to my very soul.

As always, God in His incomprehensible love and mercy is showing me that He is answering my prayer for patience in His gifts of Maria and Suzanna. He is using these precious girls, their brokenness, and my struggles to be the mother they so desperately need to refine and sanctify me. It does not feel good at all and of course it is not happening instantly like I want it to.

This morning, Pastor Ted, concluded a two-year verse-by-verse sermon series through the book of Romans. WOW!!! It has been phenomenal! We finished today with Romans 16: 21-27. Pastor Ted said that in Paul’s praise to the wise God he is telling us that only an infinite mind could ever have designed such a plan. Now I realize Pastor Ted and Paul are talking about God’s plan of redemption through His son Jesus Christ, but I also know that my sanctification is a part of His plan.

Philippians 1:6 says, “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” I fall to my knees in gratitude to God and His grace for choosing me to work with in the first place. I fall to my face as I realize He will not give up on me like I would have done long ago because I do not have the patience for people who can’t get it right the first time.

I would greatly appreciate your prayers, too, for my patience. I need it more and more every day and I truly do not want the sin of impatience to define me or any of my children.

“Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21

An Angel Named Misty

God has sent the Young family an angel named Misty. Soon after our experience with Liberian lice I wanted to take Maria and Suzanna to the beauty salon to get their hair trimmed in hopes that we could begin to get it healthy. The wonderful lady that has done my hair and Aubrey’s for years did not feel comfortable with black hair but said she could recommend someone. The first person she mentioned was leaving the salon for another one so I didn’t want to go with her. Angie then took me two doors down from her salon and introduced me to Misty and asked her if she could trim my two daughters’ hair and made an appointment.

On Aubrey’s 9th birthday I took all three girls to get their hair cut. Misty began to look at Maria and Suzanna’s hair and said their hair was so unhealthy and badly damaged that she couldn’t even get a comb through it. She then suggested a relaxer for both girls’ hair in order to take better care of it and get it healthy. I called David and told him it would cost $70 per girl and he said we really needed to do it. That was the best money we have ever spent!

Misty treated Maria and Suzanna like princesses and they loved every minute of it! I wish you could have seen the confidence level of both girls skyrocket! They both said they felt so pretty! Misty used the flat iron on both girls and styled their hair beautifully. We all had a great afternoon, even the boys, visiting with Misty.

When Misty was finishing up with Suzanna she said that she could teach me how to do the girls’ hair and buy the products for me so it wouldn’t be such a big expense for us. I said I would definitely need to do that and how much I appreciated her willingness to help.

Late in April I made an appointment with Misty to relax Suzanna’s hair again and to show me how to do it. During the appointment Misty said that when we did Maria’s hair she would let me do it and she would just watch and bail me out if necessary. We made the appointment for the next week. I remember driving home and feeling so overwhelmed at the thought of actually doing both girls’ hair. Could I really do it without ruining their hair? Would my bad back be able to take it? Where would I find the time every 8 weeks? I just prayed to God to give me a peace about it and to give me the ability and strength to do it.

A few days later I received a call from Misty. She explained to me that she knew adoption was a calling from God and that she felt a burden in her heart to help us. She said she knew I already had my hands full and wanted to know if she could continue to do the girls’ hair for me at a reduced cost. She said she receives such a blessing doing their hair and really likes to do it. Misty said she could do the girls’ hair for $25 each! I told you she was an angel!!! God had once again answered my prayer beyond my wildest dreams!

Our family is so grateful to God for bringing Misty into our lives. She is a sweet and loving woman with two children of her own who loves country music! Both Maria and Suzanna just love their new hair and their new friend, Misty.

God's Providence

Providence
(The act of providing or preparing for future use or application.
Noah Webster 1828)


I will never forget the evening four years ago when David and I told Riley, Luke, and Aubrey that God was calling us to adopt. We talked quite a bit about it that night during dinner and when we finished eating all three kids said they were ready to go get our baby. We laughed and explained it just wasn’t that easy to adopt; it wasn’t like going to the store and choosing a kitten. We were so happy though that our children were excited about us adopting. We were especially touched that they felt this way even after we told them it would mean we would be giving up a planned trip to Disney World. They understood even then that the trip, as great as it might have been, was a one-time thing but that having a new brother or sister to love was something that would last forever.

That night we began a journey that forever changed each one of us. God brought a couple of young mothers into our lives that were considering us as adoptive parents of their unborn child, but then chose someone else. God brought a young woman named Zipporah into our life who did choose us. The week of Christmas 2005 she delivered a still-born baby boy that had died four weeks earlier at about 20 weeks in-utero. I was there for the delivery and soon after knew that God brought Zipporah into our life not for the baby but for her. I was her mother that night and the next morning; God enabled me to comfort her even when my heart was breaking.

One day after we had been in the process of bringing home Maria and Suzanna home for several months, Aubrey came to me in the school room where I was completing still more paperwork for the adoption and asked me, “Mom, why can’t getting Maria and Suzanna home be like it is in the movie Stuart Little or Annie?” I told her that was a very good question and that I would also love to know the answer. God in His great faithfulness and grace began showing me the answer to that question even as our adoption of the girls got more and more difficult and heart breaking. He was preparing our family to be the family that He chose for Maria and Suzanna even before He created any of us.

Now that the girls have been home for five months we see this with such beauty and clarity. Just a couple of weeks ago a wonderful friend was asking how Riley, Luke, and Aubrey were doing, and in particular how Aubrey was doing now that she was having to share Mommy and Daddy with two new sisters. This is what I want to share with all of you reading this so you can see the providence of God.

Aubrey has had absolutely no issues with sharing anything with her new sisters, even her parents. I have watched her take all of her most special doll clothes and lay them out on the floor and tell Maria and Suzanna that the three of them are going to take turns choosing clothing for their dolls. Everything that Aubrey has is not just Aubrey’s anymore; it is theirs. She is so nurturing, always taking care of both of her sisters. A couple of weeks ago Suzanna had fillings put in two of her teeth. Aubrey kept telling Suzanna to wake her up in the middle of the night if her teeth started to hurt so she could get me to get the Tylenol. She is teaching Maria how to play the piano and teaching both girls how to cross-stitch, make cards, and crochet.

Now this isn’t to say Aubrey is perfect and hasn’t struggled. She has had a couple of meltdowns from taking on too much responsibility with the girls and from not having things exactly as she dreamed they might be with two new sisters. She gets frustrated and hurt as we all do in facing the daily challenges of having Maria and Suzanna home. But as we look back at all the times Aubrey was so distressed about whether or not her sisters were getting enough to eat or whether they were ever going to get home we see how God was refining our precious daughter and preparing her to be the sister He wanted her to be.

We see this in both boys as well. For those of you who read my post on our lice problem you will remember how helpful they were to me. Riley has been so sweet and helpful. He often asks how he can help me especially when he sees me getting stressed about something. He helps the girls with their schoolwork. Riley is so loving with the girls. He is growing up to be a fine gentleman.

Luke is equally great. He is very helpful to both the girls and me. He makes a point of coming to me every Sunday during our fellowship meal and letting me know he is taking the girls outside to play so I can help with clean-up or just visit with my friends. Luke is even training all three girls to be Marines!!! I love looking out in the backyard and watching him leading them in a march holding flags or rifles. One day after winning a battle they all stood at attention and sang The Star Spangled Banner!

I know I’ve written this before but it bears repeating—the reason that adoption or anything else that God calls us to do is so difficult is so that we cannot go around saying, “Look at what we did!” God called us to adopt these precious little girls for His glory, so that they could come to know Him as their Heavenly Father, and for many more reasons. In His amazing faithfulness He never left us throughout the entire process and continues to be with us as we do the hardest thing we have ever done in our lives. Daily He provides each one of us the grace and strength to take care of what each new day requires of us. His blessings are absolutely wonderful! We have received two beautiful new daughters to bring up in the admonition of our Lord. The most amazing blessing of all is that He is using these challenges and heartaches to refine and grow us to be like more Christ-like.

The Gift of Motherhood

God revealed something special about motherhood to me today while teaching the kids science that I’d like to share. I have a couple of disclaimers first. One, I definitely do not put myself in the same league with Stacy McDonald, Terri Maxwell, Sally Clarkson, or especially, Johnnie Seago, when it comes to sharing thoughts on motherhood, but as God taught me something today, I knew I wanted to share it as an exhortation to other mothers on just how important our calling is as a mother. I am well aware of the fact that what I am going to share is not new or profound and has certainly been said better. Second, I want to say that God used the adoption of Maria and Suzanna to reveal this to me, but it doesn’t just relate to adoption. He used this time and circumstance in my life just as He will use other experiences for different people. That being said, I will now try to put into words what God has been slowly teaching me the last several weeks and finally wrapped up into a beautiful present this afternoon.

We are currently using Flying Creatures of the Fifth Day for our science program, which by the way we absolutely love all the Exploring Creation science curriculum by Jeanne Fulbright. Today we were reading on bird migration. The following are different sections we covered that God used to speak to me today.

“The ability for a bird to reach its destination without getting lost is called a homing instinct. What is even more amazing is that birds flying high up in the sky are continually blown off course by the wind, but they always get right back on course. How do they do this? If they get off course even a tiny bit, and they continue in the same direction, they will end up at the wrong place. The wind is strong and can easily cause birds to shift directions. Amazingly, these birds are designed with the ability to always adjust their direction to go the correct way.”

“So how do birds know where to go? Well, once a bird has migrated, it can use landmarks to help guide it to where it needs to go. Landmarks are usually large structures that don’t move. They serve to help you know where you are.”

“Whether by landmarks, constellations, the sun, or magnetic fields, birds know when to go, where to go, and almost always make it to their destination on right on time. The birds know to do this because of the instinct it is given by God. Do you remember the Bible verse we looked at in the first lesson? God says to Job, “Is it by your understanding that the hawk soars, stretching his wings toward the south?” (Job 39:29). In this verse, God reveals to us that it is by His understanding that the hawk and all the other birds know where, when, and how to migrate.”

So what does all this bird stuff and adopting Maria and Suzanna have to do with each other and motherhood? Here is the answer God shared with me. God in His infinite wisdom and perfect creation made mothers for children instead of giving them instinct only. Without mothers providing landmarks, if you will, children are completely lost. They will not know when, where, or how to get to their destination. This applies to the practical and of course the spiritual. It is in the everyday practical things that God has shown me the last several weeks just how important the calling of motherhood really is.

One of the first things I noticed about Suzanna as we sat waiting for the many doctors’ appointments we had when the girls arrived home, was that when she picked up a book or magazine, she would pick it up backwards and upside down to look at it. She did the same thing with a book for school. I never sat down and taught Riley, Luke, or Aubrey how to go through a book from front to back. They simply learned by getting on the couch or bed with me each day while I read to them. Poor Suzanna did not have this. Both Maria and Suzanna are great at memorization, but that’s all it is, memory. They don’t understand what they have memorized or how to apply it. For example, both girls can go around and recite, “One plus one equals two, two plus two equals four, four plus four equals eight…” But, if you ask either one of them what one plus two is they are completely stumped! Suzanna can count to 100 but cannot write or identify most if any of the numbers that she has memorized in the correct order. It’s the same with scripture; it is just words to them.

Most children in Liberia, not just in the orphanages, are not taught how to think. They are left to themselves to do chores or play without any supervision or guidance. In school they are taught to memorize facts but not what they mean or how to use them in everyday life. David says this is how one can get an entire nation to behave in a mob mentality and brutally kill and maim each other, including children like Liberia has done for so many years.

In my last post I shared about the difficulties we have with trying to train the girls in character and how to be part of a family. The instinct we do have is to survive and that’s what they did, survive. Without a mother though, they did not learn how to be part of a family, how to put others first, how to chew food with their mouths closed, how to sit and act like a lady, how to tell someone what’s made them sad, mad, or glad, or how to know the front cover of a book from the back cover.

Oh, all you precious mommies out there, can you see how important your job is?!?! Motherhood is truly the highest calling a woman could ever have! Without mothers, not just care-takers, children are completely lost. I’ve always known that God never intended children to grow up in orphanages, or daycares for that matter, but I now have living proof in my own home and it breaks my heart daily!!! So for those of you who sometimes get discouraged about “just being a mom” while you are changing diapers, wiping noses, answering all those why questions, etc. please remember that you are teaching your children to know when to go, where to go, and to almost always make it to their destination on time! We are making sure that our children stay on course and getting them back on course if they begin to shift directions and get lost. We are teaching our children how to think, how to love others the way God loves us, how to live to please God, and to know the most important landmark of all, God’s Word.

I am eternally grateful to my Heavenly Father for calling me to be a mother. He has blessed my life with both heartaches and joys through infertility, two miscarriages, the birth of three beautiful babies, and now through the adoption of two precious little girls who wanted and needed a mommy. My prayer has not changed since God put the desire in my heart to be a mother so many years ago—“God, please make me the mother You want me to be!”

Life Lessons Learned from Liberian Lice

(How’s That for Alliteration?)


Hopefully from the title of this entry you can guess why there have been no posts lately to our blog. After all, life lessons are not usually easily or quickly learned and these are no exception. Our family had just had one entire week with as much normalcy as one can expect with two new adopted daughters without doctor appointments and starting school the week of January 6-12. Our church gave our family and another family who adopted a little girl from China in November an adoption shower on Sunday, January 13. It was beautiful and Maria and Suzanna loved all the attention and the wonderful gifts they received.


Monday morning, January 14, I woke up with great expectations for another “normal” and productive week of character training, bonding, reading together on the couch, and maybe even some learning. After breakfast and our scripture memory time, all the kids were doing their morning chores before we started our school day. I was in the laundry room getting another load in to wash when Aubrey came in with a Clorox wipe she had been using to wipe up the kids’ bathroom. She said, “Mom, I think I may know why Maria’s head has been itching so much lately.” I asked why and she showed me the wipe with a couple of teeny tiny little black creatures. I gulped and asked if there were more. She said, “Oh, Mom, the whole sink is full of them!” As I am staring at my white sink suddenly crawling with little black creatures, she then announces, “Maria was just in here scratching her head over the sink.” I immediately called our pediatrician’s office and asked for an appointment. They asked why I needed one and I explained about the little bugs. She said, “Oh, that sounds like lice and the nurse can tell you how to treat it over the phone.” By now my knees are wobbling and I’m seeing visions of having to shave our entire family’s heads! I spent the rest of the day talking to doctors, nurses, friends, and reading the Internet about lice. There is absolutely nothing pretty about lice!


The first thing I tried was a box of RID. I shampooed Maria’s head and then started to comb the gel through it. I could not get the tiny plastic comb through her hair at all. I tried and tried. By now I’m apologizing to Maria for not knowing what to do and trying to prepare her for a haircut. Finally the nurse at the pediatrician’s office calls and tells me I can put mayonnaise in her hair and put a shower cap on her overnight. She assures me this will work. She then tells me what I’ve been reading on the Internet, that I will have to wash all linens, pillows, clothes, etc. in hot water and that what I can’t wash in hot water will have to be put into lawn bags and sealed for 3 weeks. She also tells me that I will have to wash these things every day in hot water as long as I am seeing lice or eggs.


Not long after I hang up with the nurse, the girls’ doctor from the international adoption clinic returns my call and says all the same things except that our entire family probably has lice by now and she will call in a prescription in case the mayo doesn’t work. She then said that the silver lining in all this was that Liberian lice didn’t have the immunities built up against the standard medication like the American lice. I have to be honest; I did not see this as much of a silver lining as she probably hoped I would. Now my head had been itching since I first saw the nasty little creatures. I just assumed that Suzanna had lice from Liberia, too. I immediately took Aubrey outside to check her hair and sadly confirmed she had the creatures, too. By now I’m feeling sick to my stomach. Luke, my Marine, doesn’t have enough hair for lice, and the day before I had cut Riley’s hair way too short for his taste and didn’t find any in his hair either.

After putting half a jar of mayo in Maria’s hair I began a shopping list of things I would need to exterminate these creatures from our home. I also have to mention here that today is my first day to start cooking meals for a neighbor to earn a little extra money for our family and I had already started the chicken that morning before I confirmed that we were dealing with lice. I’m trying not to panic at the thought of all that has to be accomplished and how I’m going to comb three girls’ hair everyday, and who is going to comb mine if I have them. At last David calls to say he is on his way home from his extra job as I’m finishing up dinner for two families so that I can go to the store for the metal nit comb, shower caps, and lawn bags. Ten minutes later David calls back to tell me that he just received a hostage call out and won’t be home. AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! Right before I left for the store I talked to a great friend from church, Terri, who was a psychiatric nurse for 17 years and dealt with lice quite a bit in her career. In fact she has been labeled both professionally and affectionately, the “Nit Queen.” She tells me to put Vaseline in the girls’ hair for 24 hours and then start combing out. Terri explains that the Vaseline will suffocate the lice and their eggs the same way the bags do with our items that can’t be washed in hot water. She also tells me she will come by in the morning to check us all for lice. Now I add Vaseline to my shopping list and take Aubrey and Suzanna with me to Wal-Mart. Riley, Luke, and Maria stay home so she won’t have to go out in public with mayo in her hair and a shower cap on. I put all three girls to bed with shower caps on until we confirm who has them and who doesn’t.


Next, I called our amazing church clerk, Nicole, and began telling her our latest saga and asked her to send out an email notifying the church since everyone had loved on the girls so much at the shower just the day before. While I am telling her all this the tears just started flowing. I was feeling so overwhelmed and guilty for even feeling this way. I knew I was not dealing with a serious medical issue, but I truly wondered how we were going to do all that we needed to do and we had already dealt with so much with both girls and their health. How were we ever going to bond as a family now? I went to bed exhausted both physically and emotionally, praying that I didn’t have lice, too, and with a beautiful shower cap on to boot.


Early Tuesday morning the kids and I start washing everything in the girls’ room that can be washed in hot water and bagging everything that couldn’t. Before Terri arrived I had taken Suzanna outside to search for the lice I knew she had and could not find a single sign of the little creatures. Terri confirmed this for me and I thanked God right away. Next Terri told me that I was also bug free!!! Hallelujah!!! She confirmed no bugs on the boys but Aubrey definitely had them. I then put half a jar of Vaseline on Aubrey’s long hair and cried at the thought of how long it was going to take to wash all that grease out. We continued washing, drying, and bagging all day long. Right after lunch I began to try and comb out Maria’s hair after washing the mayo out with my brand new metal nit comb. Once again I simply could not get the comb through her hair. I must take a moment to interject here that when I washed her hair lots of little creatures came out with the mayo! I called Terri, a.k.a. the “nit queen,” for help. She told me to stop combing, put Vaseline in her hair and a new shower cap on for 24 hours and then try again. I was so relieved! Now I could just concentrate on washing and bagging which was going oh so slowly. By late afternoon I was just putting the last of the girls’ pillows in the washer and still had the boys’ bedding and ours.


And it was those pillows that caused another problem just minutes after David arrived home from work. They were too big for my washer and caused the water to leak out from the machine during the spin cycle. We found the laundry room flooded with water going out to the garage!!! After dry vacuuming up all the water we continued washing and bagging until 1:00 a.m.
Wednesday morning I put on my sweats, an old shirt that buttoned down front, and a shower cap. I then proceeded to wash Aubrey’s hair…ten times!!! I had to wash it that much just to get the comb through all the Vaseline. I started her hair at 9:00 a.m. I continued to comb her hair until mid-afternoon. I then started the same process with Maria. Again, I had to wash her hair 10 times before starting the arduous process of combing her hair. By dinnertime my back hurt so badly I could not sit down to eat at the table. I finished her hair at 9:15 p.m. that night. All the while I washed and combed, the boys washed the sleeping bags that the girls were now sleeping in so we wouldn’t have to make up bunk beds every day. They also put David’s shop vac back together from Monday night’s flood and vacuumed out the van. This had to be done to take care of any lice or eggs that could be on the upholstery. I was so proud of Riley and Luke that day. They never stopped helping me and did so much problem solving on their own.


Thursday morning we started the entire process again. Only this morning, God sent an angel my way named Terri (yes the “nit queen”). After confirming the boys, Suzanna, and I still lice free, she stayed and combed Aubrey’s hair for me while I combed Maria’s. I was able to finish Maria just before 3:00 p.m. I enjoyed a hot shower on my aching back and was able to lie on the heating pad. I will forever be grateful for Terri’s sacrificial gift of service to me. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday were repeats—washing hair a little less each day, combing which became easier, and washing everything of the girls in hot water. I didn’t have to comb Aubrey’s hair anymore after Sunday because we were able to catch her problem so soon. On Monday I made the decision to put the prescription medication in Maria’s hair just to be on the safe side. Terri said poor Maria had the worst case of lice she had ever seen in her life. I combed her hair for the last time that following Wednesday. We will be taking everything out of the bags this coming Wednesday, February 6. The girls are so excited about seeing their baby dolls again and giving them big hugs.


Now that God has seen the Young family through our little crisis I would like to at last share with you the lessons He taught us along the way. I ask your patience with this very long post; I will try to finish quickly.


The first lesson we learned is that when you adopt a child or children from a foreign country just assume they have lice and get it checked out immediately. When we took Maria and Suzanna to the international adoption clinic the first week we were home I told the doctor that Maria scratched her head all the way home. She glanced at it and said it was just the same fungus that was on one of her fingernails. We still can’t believe that out of all the times we were at different doctors that no one found the lice. The clinic doctor had even told me that I might need to have a refill for the fungus medication and since she continued to scratch her poor head I was just getting ready to call for the refill that Monday morning that all this started!


The most important lesson we learned was that God’s ways are different than man’s. My expectations of what bonding with my new daughters included snuggling on the couch, long talks, tea parties, etc. God wanted to show Maria and Suzanna what a mommy does. She holds you in the bathroom when you are throwing up and feverish with malaria or an intestinal parasite and she washes your hair and combs it out over and over when you have lice. Late Friday of the first week of lice as I was finishing up Maria’s hair it dawned on me that Maria was actually enjoying all of this. Each day I would set up a stool for her to sit on in front of the television so we could watch her favorite movies. We watched Sound of Music so many times that the girls know almost say every line. By the way, Maria has changed the movie title to “Maria.” We watched Mary Poppins and Heidi. For the first time in a long time or maybe ever, Maria was being taken care of. If you remember Maria’s nickname at the orphanage was, Grandma. She earned that name by taking care of everyone else. When we first brought her home I began to pray that Maria would be able to feel like a child and not to feel like she had to take care of everyone! God is so good; He answered this prayer so beautifully. Maria never once complained about the long hours of sitting while I combed her hair. She never complained about having to wear a shower cap all day and night long. She didn’t talk much while I combed her hair—communication is still a tad difficult—but I would often tell her how much I loved her or how proud of her I was for being such a trooper through all this. I would bend down and kiss her on the face. When I washed her hair I would look down at her face and tell her how beautiful she was.


God showed us His glory in so many other ways! While we were all quarantined in our house so many of our church family was extremely ill with the flu. He protected us! The days prior to this there were several arguments from both Maria and Suzanna over clothes. When we had to bag everything that couldn’t be washed in hot water, I left each of the three girls two pairs of sweats/jogging pants, two long-sleeve shirts, and two short-sleeve shirts. There hasn’t been a word about clothing these last couple of weeks. Riley and Luke made their mommy and daddy so proud by learning to be self-sufficient and problem solvers. God is growing our family in so many incredible ways. They are not comfortable lessons but then God never promised us a comfortable life. He did promise He would be with us always.


As we’ve had the girls home now almost 2 months we have come to the conclusion that not only do we have lots and lots of training to do with these precious girls but we also have lots of unteaching to do. They have survived unimaginable things to most of us, but at such a cost. They have learned survival of the fittest, they come first, and no one else matters. This is completely opposite of how a family works. During these last couple of weeks God has provided so many opportunities for the girls to see how a family has to put others first and how we have to work together to get things accomplished. These lessons have not been easy for the girls, especially Suzanna, but they are learning. Speaking of hard lessons—I know this will come as a shock to most of you, but God is STILL trying to teach me patience and letting go of things I cannot control. What better way to learn patience and to let go of my precious “to do” list than to stand for 12 hours a day and wash and comb hair ½ inch section at a time?!?! Not only does God show me His glory each and every day, He also shows me that He has an amazing sense of humor!!! And just in case you missed it, God also works in mysterious ways…He used a teeny tiny yucky bug called a louse to accomplish all this and so much more!